Parent Insights 

It has been seven months since Sarah graduated from MBA, and we want to let you know how well things are going. After graduation, Sarah moved home and worked at a secretarial job for the summer. She was helpful and positive at home. She worked very hard at re-establishing family ties and was fun to be with.

The transition to college went quite smoothly. We believe that the MBA experience helped Sarah adjust to a new life and make new friends. We were able to visit her in San Francisco over the Columbus Day weekend, and she came home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. These times together were as enjoyable as the summer. Sarah has decided to major in Hospitality Management at the Business School, and we just learned that she made the Dean's List for the fall semester. We are so proud of her and thankful to the staff of MBA for helping make this possible!

As we think back two and a half years ago, we cannot believe how fortunate we are. We would like to thank the wonderful group of dedicated and caring people at MBA who provided Sarah with a safe and supportive place to grow up. Terry Redfern, Vivian Mihalakis, and Pat Savage encouraged Sarah in her academics and everyday life. Bill Gardner was patient and understanding with all of us during the difficult early months and was such a special friend to Sarah throughout her time at MBA. Also, Janine LaPere was instrumental in getting Sarah out of the "coast" mode. Lastly, Bill Hoffman helped our family make the transition back to the outside world. We have only mentioned the people whom we know the best. We want to thank you, Sharon, and all of the staff who impacted Sarah's life at MBA. Our lives are definitely less stressful and more rewarding because our family was fortunate enough to discover and ultimately complete the MBA program. The changes we have made will be with us forever, and we will always be grateful for all the support we received during Sarah's stay at Mount Bachelor. We would like to help MBA in any way we can, whether it is talking to prospective parents, sharing our experience with educational consultants, or helping with group meetings. Please call on us at any time.

Sincerely,
Hank and Betsy Dalrymple


"...The most important job there is is parenthood. I believe if I surround a child with love, try to be fair, teach them about the world around them, talk openly about my life experiences, be honest, give them lots of hugs and attention, smile, make them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with the crusts cut off, read them Where the Wild Things Are at least twice a week, and always remember what it was like to be their age, I will do right by them." -Emily Bechen, 19 years old,
1998 Graduate of Renaissance Program

"...my daughter wasn't enrolled in MBA so she could be fixed -- it was a family affair. Attitude adjustments were in order all around. It' s been imperative that I look inward and make changes as well. How can I expect my daughter to learn to employ the tools of honesty, trust, responsibility and accountability if I wasn't committed to living by the same values? It's often hard having to look at my own part in what happens between us. It' s especially difficult admitting when I'm wrong, or owning that my behavior is manipulative, which admittedly, it sometimes is. Twenty months ago when Emily was enrolled at MBA, she was hiding somewhere behind a brittle, fearful, locked exterior. I just spent a few days with her and was delighted to be given a few glimpses of her silver lining. We are learning to trust one another and that feels rich. I found her able to look at herself with some objectivity, both her strengths and weaknesses. She is stepping out of adolescent self-absorption into a more mature view of herself in a bigger world. She is willing to show up and stay present, and is courageous in the work she is doing. I am grateful for the commitment I have felt from Mt. Bachelor Academy..." -Jane Bennet alumni parent of Emily Ribbel, June 1994 graduate

"I have been thinking about the staff who worked with Dan at MBA. I know that all of you come to work each day and put out a tremendous effort trying to help these kids. Often, there are no immediate results and many times there are setbacks, as we well know. Many times, you are not around to see or even be aware of the results of your efforts.
When we sent Dan to you as a very young teenager, he did not have a friend in the world and his interpersonal skills needed all kinds of work.I spoke with Dan this week at New England College. He sounded very sad because he ' s transferring to the University of Montana and he will be leaving several good friends that he made this year. I can't begin to explain to you how Dan has used what he learned at MBA not only to survive, but to thrive! He gets along with all types of people, he has shown the maturity to make some difficult decisions when all types of crazy behavior surrounds kids at college today. He has had an excellent academic year, picking up 34 credits with at least a "B" average.
I'm looking forward to spending some time with my son this summer. Our relationship has never been better. For sure, Dan is still Dan and has his own ways, but then so do the rest of us. I know that we had a long and somewhat difficult road up there with a major stumbling block. I just wanted you to know that you made a difference and we appreciate you efforts." -Bill Hoffman alumni parent 1996 (Dan continues to do well at University of Montana, Missoula.)
" I had a good, warm feeling about the school from the first day I visited. I believe if my daughter is going to find health, balance, and direction, it will be there with you folks. I take my hat off to all of you for having the desire and dedication to do the work you do. It must be one of those demanding jobs that holds its own special rewards. " -parent

Letter from a Parent

Sitting in an outdoor cafe, along the tree lined Champs Elysses, I sip my espresso with a beautiful young woman; our conversation focuses on her desires and passions for life. She openly tells me her thoughts and feelings of where she has been and where she is headed in life.

"I want to go to college and become a writer" she states with determination. The delight I see in her deep brown eyes engages me into the world of youths exuberance. These eyes with so much life and joy were the same eyes that years ago held no hope. In this precious moment I allowed myself to feel the blessing: The young woman' sitting across from me is my daughter'....

On my visit to Paris during La Mancha Lifestep, I had the pleasure of seeing all of your children. They filled my hours with excitement, joy, laughter, adventure, and blistered feet. I had the opportunity to see them outside the security of home and put in an unknown environment.

I was impressed with the competence, maturity and the independence of these young adults. Their ability to cope with the metro system, language and culture was amazing. La Mancha gave the students and opportunity to put together ideas and concepts into a growing experience. I saw each student feel the confidence they need to go out into the real world. - Thank you Mt. Bachelor Academy. Paula Wilson, parent

Dear Sharon and Bill, 

As you know, in September 1998 we enrolled our son in MBA and in just a few days he will be graduating from the program. Joyce and I want to take this opportunity to say a few words of thanks.

For the past two years we have placed our trust and confidence in you and the other members of the MBA Staff. You did not let us down. Throughout the program, you and the other members of the MBA Staff consistently have shown devotion, caring, warmth, support, nurturing, insight, forthrightness, wisdom, perseverance, patience and inspiration. You have helped Alex and us work on and through some very difficult and challenging issues. You have mentored Alex and you have guided us. You have been a home away from home.

We want to especially thank each of you Malia Mullahey, Alex Bitz, Steve Houghton, Dean Bonnano, Bill Gardner, Gretchen Surber, Mike Strader, Maria Chavarria, Kristi Dennis, Claudine Nadeau and Bill Gowen. We also want to extend our thanks to other members of the MBA Staff, with whom Joyce and I had less contact, but who nonetheless played important roles in Alex's life at MBA.

While we are eager to move forward, we do so with a mixture of joy and sadness. Our joy is that our son is coming back home to live with us and that we believe that where we are and the direction we are going post-MBA will be significantly improved form where we were and the direction we were headed pre-MBA. Our sadness emanates from the realization that we will not be in such close contact with our MBA friends. It is hard to describe how much we looked forward to and depended on our phone calls with Steve Houghton (Alex's mentor) and Bill Gardner (parent communicator) during Lower School, with Dean Bonanno (Alex's mentor) during Middle School, and with you Bill, Alex's mentor during Upper School and the last phase of the program. We also have valued the many other calls, conferences, seminars and visits we have had with you, Malia, Alex Bitz, Gretchen, and many others.

It has been a profound experience for us as parents. We will not forget you. MBA will Always be an important part of our lives.

With sincere gratitude and affection,
Howard and Joyce P.

My Own Journey: A Mother's Story
My daughter Natalie recently turned 21. It was a time of joyous celebration for us both, but also a time for remembrance. A little over four years ago, Natalie had first arrived at MBA after a six-week mid-winter stay at SUWS wilderness intervention program. A typical story for an MBA student, with a typical behavior profile: She was masterfully manipulative and deceptive, covertly rebellious, with a tough, carefully crafter exterior sheltering a very insecure, angry, hurt and despairing child within. When she graduated from BMA two years later, the transformation into a confident, considerate and positive young woman was amazing. I am even happier to say that these effects have lasted beyond the sheltering walls of MBA into the real world of college and work. She had been somewhat worried about this transition, but the skills and insight she acquired enabled her to continue to grow in self-assurance and understanding. Over the past year, she has been developing a true joyousness in life, and being able to talk and share with her deeply and honestly has been a priceless gift. In my wildest expectations as a parent once upon a time, I never expected to be such good friends with my own child. While ultimately she alone had to make the decision to change, to get motivated, and to work hard at this, the extraordinarily caring and dedicated staff at MBA, along with their excellent program, helped make this happen.

Adolescents do not become "behavior problems" in a vacuum- they are influenced by society and by their families. The events precipitating a student going to MBA require us parents to take an honest, sobering look at our own values, lifestyles, family interactions, and the parts we play. While I might have already been primed for a middle age re-look at my own life (a polite phrase for mid-life crisis), Natalie's experience and the work being done at MBA really inspired me. The changes could not take place immediately -what needed to be changed had to be figured out first (I'm still working on that one), and there was the mortgage to pay -but my life nonetheless has already become very different.

My kid and my interaction with her changed, my marriage changed, my career changed, my location changed, but most of all my worldview has changed in these in these past four years. I read, took courses, began a spiritual quest -and really began to think and contemplate. The re-look at relationships, at issues that were hidden "behind the screen," ultimately caused Natalie's father and me to divorce. At the time of Natalie's entering MBA, I was in private practice as a pathologist in Charlotte, North Carolina. I had gone into medicine with high ideals but over the years the connections to those ideals had eroded. My philosophy of living to work took its toll on my family life: My life was not in balance, and I was clueless about what was happening with my daughter. My philosophy became working to live, and I revitalized my initial desire not to work just for the bottom line. It cost me my job, but I am now taking the time to rethink what I really want to do with the rest of my life. This sabbatical is what I realize I've needed for a long time.

I still have many unresolved problems, conflicts and issues, some of which may never be resolved. But just accepting that fact is growth. And like my daughter, I have acquired an increasing zest and joy in my life. What an adventure it all is!

Irene Saikevych
(Mother of Natalie White, Dec.96 MBA. She graduated from University of Oregon in June 2001)

Journey to the Finish
My husband and I attended our first MBA graduation in June, 1997, five months after our son had entered the school. We observed giddy adults hugging everyone in sight, swearing that MBA had saved their children's lives and restored the joyful, curious, promising children they once had. Then the students stepped on the stage to thank MBA and their parents for sticking with them, seeing their potential, and making them live up to that potential.

"Yeah, sure," I thought. "As if MBA can work miracles."

"Blatant manipulation," my husband said.

But we wanted to see our son on that stage. I counted how many graduations I would have to attend before it was his turn.

Two years later, I know that MBA cannot work miracles. They just work hard. And because of the hard work of many, many people, Bob is graduating in June.

Bob's time at MBA has not been easy. Few students progress from point A to point B on a straight, steadily rising line. "Roller coaster" and "two steps forward, one step back" are the terms used by most parents to describe their children's progress. During Middle School, Bob's mentor decided to deal with Bob's chronic recidivism by rearranging the school's large supply of firewood, moving it about 100 yards down the drive. After fighting off spiders, small mammals, and splinters for several hours, Bob reported that he had completed the task. "Good," said the mentor, "now move it back."

MBA staff devised many such tasks to teach Bob alternatives to withdrawal, giving up, never following through, and self-sabotage. He was required to plan and carry out a date with a member of his peer group, to be always in the center of a group, to use his hands while talking, to run to each class, and to stand during all classes. Such practical tasks -- strictly enforced but appealing in part to Bob's strong sense of humor - always caused him to see his bad habits more clearly, and to formulate alternatives. He grew less withdrawn and more interested in his future.

Nevertheless, I wondered if Bob would be ready for graduation. During a home visit between Middle and Upper School, he seemed intent on debating every request from us and ready to return to careless habits with regard to schoolwork, friends, and activities. I suspected he had been "hiding out" - looking good on the outside, but unconvinced on the inside of any need to change.

When Bob returned to MBA, he was confronted with Upper School's action curriculum - he had to explain not how he felt about his life, but what he was going to do with it. And, somehow, Bob put it all together. The work he had done in Lower and Middle School enabled him to make tremendous strides toward maturity over the last six months. He researched and applied to schools for next year, he arranged to attend a wilderness camp for the summer, he is taking a realistic view of what courses he needs to take next year, he is talking about college and careers. And while he still loves to debate, he knows that sometimes he must just accept a rule and move on.

Bob is not the only person in our family to have changed. My husband and I have benefited enormously from the MBA experience. We have learned new ways of talking to our son and new respect for his abilities. I have also learned to let go, to let Bob exercise self-control and manage his affairs. And if he fails in some of those tasks, I have learned not to rush in with assistance, but respect his ability to deal with consequences and learn from mistakes.

Bob graduates from MBA on June 27, 1999. We will be there, being giddy, hugging everyone, thanking MBA for this new person. We will be thanking MBA for a long time.